


This is Why We Fight

by earthquakedream



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, Sam/Dean Mini-Bang 2011, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-06
Updated: 2011-10-06
Packaged: 2017-10-24 08:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/261483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthquakedream/pseuds/earthquakedream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU of Season One. Dean still shows up to convince his brother to help him find their missing father. Sam still gives in and goes with him. But with a baby in the backseat, everything changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is Why We Fight

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the product of my procrastination making me scramble to write 7500 words in one day to make the deadline for [samdean_otp's](http://samdean-otp.livejournal.com) MiniBang challenge. I guess it worked! [dev_earl](http://dev-earl.livejournal.com) provided a wonderful beta job and [reapertownusa](http://reapertownusa.livejournal.com) gave me AMAZING art, which you can see right here: [Art Post](http://reapertownusa.livejournal.com/33940.html). Thanks to everyone on twitter who encouraged me and the mods of [samdean_otp](http://samdean-otp.livejournal.com) for running the challenge!

They were so careful. Sam knew they weren't ready - they loved each other and they were living together, he was convinced she was _the one_ \- but that didn't stop it from happening.

Condoms break. It happens. It happened to them, and a month later, Jess told Sam she was pregnant.

After doing his best to reassure and comfort Jess, he left the house so he could panic all on his own. He thought about calling his brother, getting his advice, wondered if Dean had ever been in this situation before. But Sam hadn't spoken to his brother in over a year. He didn't want to break the silence with this and have Dean be even more disappointed in him.

He came back, sat down with Jess, and told her that whatever she wanted to do, he would support her. They were only sophomores, both in difficult fields of study, and Sam knew, just from looking at her, that Jess didn't want to keep the baby.

"We can't afford an abortion," Jess said. Sam nodded.

"Do you think adoption would work?"

Jess chewed on her bottom lip. Sam kissed it gently, soothing.

"Yeah," she said, after a long silence. "We'll do that. Can... can you? I don't... I wouldn't know what to say."

"Of course," Sam said, kissed her again, and held her when she started to cry.

When he talked to Becky about it later, she told him they should have gone for an abortion.

"You're going to end up attached in the end, Sam. I know you. You feel too much."

Sam didn't like any of the options he had, but even if he did get attached, he was good at letting things go. He could distract himself with studying for the LSATs, visit the shooting range more often - the latter would be hard to do without making Jess suspicious, but he'd manage, just like he had the last two years.

Jess kept asking him if he was sure about this, if they were doing the right thing. Sam got good at this - "You want to become a psychologist, I want to be a lawyer. We have years of school left to complete, then we need to establish our careers, prove ourselves, and raising a kid in the middle of that, when we have no idea what we'll be making, where we'll be moving, what the future has in store for us... this baby deserves a stable, ready family."

She seemed to draw confidence from the words, relaxed more as the months went on, as her belly grew and she started getting cravings, mood swings, lost her sex drive then gained it back tenfold. Sam couldn't help but love the changes she was going through. Something in him was just drawn to the sweet curve of her belly, the way her tits filled out and seemed to bust out of her shirt, how greedy she was for his touch all the time.

He was addicted to her like this. It was getting hard to pretend he wasn't dreaming of them being a happy little family every night. He knew they were having a girl - no, that the baby was a girl, the baby they were giving away - and he kept thinking of what she would look like. Would she have his eyes and Jess's beautiful blonde hair? Or would she look like other parts of their family? Maybe she'd get freckles like Dean and dark, thick hair like Sam's.

Becky was right. He was getting attached to this little life he'd only seen on a screen. He'd felt her kick and move in Jess's belly.

Sam had made all the appropriate calls to get an adoption ready. They just needed the go ahead once Jess actually gave birth.

Maybe, once Jess saw the baby, there would be that miracle everyone spoke of. They'd experience some kind of epiphany, the surety that they'd be able to raise a child together, and--

And maybe Sam was just dreaming up a fairy tale that would never happen.

  
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Sam might be four years out of practice, but the last few months had trained him to wake up at the slightest sound. Heavy footsteps brought him to consciousness.

He grabbed the knife that was hidden under his bed frame and crept on light feet, following the dark silhouette creeping through his living room. Sam tightened his grip on the knife and rushed at the figure, growl rising in his throat.

The intruder was good, though, trained, and he knocked the knife from Sam's hand with barely a thought. There was something familiar about the way this guy fought that had Sam hesitating for a crucial second. He ended up pinned on his back, the shadow of a man crouching over him, grinning--

"Dean?" Sam said.

His brother's grin went even wider. "You're losing your touch, Sammy. That was way too easy."

Sam flipped him over, Dean's grip on him having gone slack. He let himself smile at the heavy smack Dean's head made on the wooden floor.

"Easy, tiger." Dean winced and rubbed at the back of his head when Sam let him go and stood.

"What are you doing here?"

Dean got easily to his feet, shrugged. "Was hoping for a beer."

"You wanted a beer, so you broke into my house at 3 AM. Pull the other one, huh?" Sam moved to turn the lights on, sick of standing in the dark. Dean stared at him in a way that made Sam increasingly uncomfortable. Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

"You have something on your shoulder," he pointed out. "Looks kinda gross."

Sam didn't rise to the bait. "Why don't you tell me why you're really here."

Dean stepped forward, hands in his pockets. "Okay, so... Dad's missing."

"Big surprise."

"Shut up for a second, okay? He went on an easy hunt a few hours away from here. We were supposed to meet up a couple weeks ago... but he never showed. He called once, left a message, but it was... cryptic."

Dean shrugged at him, a hopeful look on his face. Sam knew Dean didn't really let himself hope too much. "I need you to come with me, Sam. Help me find Dad."

Sam shook his head immediately. "I can't. I have too much going on right now--"

"Like what, school? Screw it, Sam, you can just leave--"

"--I can't just _leave_ , Dean, it's not about school--"

"Is it a job, then, because that doesn't matter either--"

"--just leave it, okay, I can't--"

Sam realized too late that they were almost shouting. There was a loud cry raised from the back of his apartment, indignant and cranky, and Sam sighed loudly.

Dean froze. "Is that... is that a _baby_?" His brother tried to push past him, frowning hard. "Are you watching a friend's kid or something? 'cause we could wait, I guess, or you could pawn it off on someone else..."

Sam shoved him back, jaw clenching up tight as Dean's casual assumption that Sam would just drop everything for him.

"I'm not pawning off my own kid on someone else so we can go after Dad who's probably off on some stupid fucking crusade that's always been more important than the safety of his family. I'm not gonna go tearing off to find a man who told me to _never come back_ because I wanted to go to college. I will not put my daughter through anything like what I went through because that is no kind of life for a child!"

He didn't realize he was shouting until silence rung through the small apartment and the baby's cry started up in earnest. Dean stared at him in shock, unmoving, so Sam just went around him and down the hall to his daughter's room.

She was still just a tiny thing, four months old and barely longer than Sam's forearm. He cradled her easily, running a finger down her torso and cooing at her until she started to calm.

Dean made a sound behind him and Sam turned, eyes catching on the bottle in his hand. It was warm when Sam tested the liquid on wrist. He rubbed the nipple over Andrea's mouth, gaze completely focused on her now.

"Thanks," he said. His girl latched right on, tiny fingers grabbing onto his shirt. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.

"You have a kid."

If it wouldn't set off another argument, Sam would have snapped a comment about Dean being _Captain Obvious_.

But he was an adult, with a baby in his arms, so instead he just answered, "yeah," without lifting his eyes.

"What's her name?"

"Andrea Mary Winchester."

He'd debated long and hard on the middle name, because he'd never knew his mother, but he figured that's what Dean would do and no one else would really care.

When he finally looked at his brother, he knew he'd made the right choice. Dean had this look of joy on his face that Sam wasn't sure he'd ever seen before. Not on Dean, at least, but the same expression had been on his face the first time he'd held Andrea.

For a little while, at least.

"She's beautiful, Sammy," Dean said after a few minutes.

"Yeah, she is."

If there was one thing Dean was better at than stating the obvious, it was avoiding the obvious. He didn't ask about Andrea's mother and Sam didn't offer any information. They stood in silence until Andrea started to fuss. Sam let her rest against his chest as he burped her. She spit up on his shoulder but Sam was pretty immune to that by now.

"You know, you could still come with me."

Sam was back to being tense, which made Andrea start to cry all over again. He shot Dean a glare, but his brother just shrugged.

"Bring her. I won't drag you on hunts, okay? We'll just look for Dad. If we run across something, you can do research. I've been hunting on my own for awhile now."

"You don't have to hunt at all. There are a lot of safer alternatives, like, I don't know, having a _real_ life."

Dean raised his eyebrows and held out his arms. "What I do may not be safe but I _help_ people, Sam! I think that's the one thing you could never wrap your mind around because you were too involved in your own bullshit. We save lives. What do you do, huh?"

"Do you not see the crying baby in my arms? I'm raising my daughter; I am taking care of her the best I can. I had to drop out of school, I have to beg my friends to watch her so I can go to work and I'm saving up to take classes online so I can finish my degree. This isn't an easy life, but I'm still doing good."

Andrea's wails reached a whole new level of ear piercing and Sam walked away before Dean could answer, shoulders squared against any response he might have. But Dean stayed quiet as Sam managed to calm Andrea down before he laid her back in her crib. He gave her forehead a soft kiss, then nudged Dean back out to the living room.

"I can't do this without you," is all Dean had to say.

"Yes, you can," Sam said. Dean already said he could hunt alone. If anyone could find John Winchester, it was his oldest son. He knew Dad better than anyone.

"Yeah, well." Dean shrugged, ducked his head. "I don't want to."

That, more than anything, was what sealed the deal for Sam. The last thing he wanted to do was put his daughter in danger, but he'd stay away from any hunts Dean found - he'd keep her safer than anyone else could.

"I need some sleep and you do too. I just got her down so I'm not risking anymore movement tonight. Let's go to bed."

Sam stopped halfway to his bedroom when he realized Dean wasn't following him. Instead, his brother was looking at him with a peculiar expression on his face, like he wasn't sure what Sam was implying.

"We're leaving first thing in the morning, dude. I'd like a couple solid hours before that happens, okay?"

With a quick flash of a smile, Dean followed him to his room. He got rid of his boots and jeans, slid in next to Sam and immediately took up more than his half of the bed.

"Night, Sammy," Dean said, glancing over at him. Sam rolled onto his side and reached out to pinch Dean's arm.

He fell asleep before he could pull his hand away.

  
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Being on the road with Dean wasn't that great. Sam remembered as a kid how much he'd look forward to the times when it was just he and Dean in the car, no Dad, just Dean’s shitty music and the long road ahead of them.

But now he had Andrea in the back and while she was content to doze in her car seat after her morning feeding, he had to constantly remind Dean to keep the music down, to go the speed limit, and when Andrea started crying a few hours down the road, his brother refused to pull over so Sam could check on her.

"She just wants attention, man. Just coo a little, make some faces, she'll be fine."

Sam rolled his eyes. "She's probably hungry, actually. Or she might have a wet diaper, she might just want to be held, I don't know. There's a rest stop in three miles, can we please stop so I can check on her?"

Reluctantly, Dean took the turn off for the rest stop. It was one of the nicer ones, with clean bathrooms and vending machines out front. While Sam took care of Andrea - changed her and coaxed her to eat - Dean went to the bathroom and grabbed a couple sodas and some chips from the machines.

"Got her to calm down?" Dean asked as he came back over, tossing a bag and a bottle at his chest.

"Yeah, she's good for now. I gave her a toy that makes noises, that'll keep her entertained for awhile." He looked back into the car and watched her push buttons on the noisy little caterpillar that he'd attached to the ceiling. It hung down at the perfect height for her to play with.

Dean glared at it like it was offending him in some deep way.

"The fuck is that?"

"It's a baby toy." Sam rolled his eyes. "It's not going to hurt your car. It's Velcro, okay?"

"Right." Dean took a few long gulps of his soda, leaning back against the car and crossing his feet. "It's gonna get annoying far before we get to Jericho, I hope you understand that."

"Yeah, whatever." Sam pushed off the car and grabbed his drink. "Let's get going so we can get there sooner rather than later. Andrea's going to be hungry again by the time we're ready to stop for lunch."

"Traveling with a baby is going to be _awesome_ , I can tell that already."

Sam ignored his brother and looked out the window as they drove away. It wasn't until they'd driven another hour that he actually started to take in some of his surroundings. Badly carved pumpkins were scattered on porches, tacky decorations all over the place - last night had been Halloween.

It was almost the anniversary of his mother's death. It was probably the only date that they observed every single year. Birthdays were never a big deal and Sam could only remember one Christmas he'd ever been happy to celebrate with both members of his family.

But every year on November 2nd, his Dad would get drunk, Dean would either cry or bury himself in the nearest willing girl (his ritual changed as he grew up), and Sam would dream about the legendary woman he'd never had the chance to see.

He really thought that if he ever got the chance to start a family, his child wouldn't have to go through the same thing he did.

Andrea would never know her mother either and that, more than anything, was what spurred Sam on this journey with his brother. He couldn't fix what happened with Jess, but maybe he could mend what was left of his family if they found Dad.

No matter what, Sam wasn't going to let Dean take off when this was all over.

Sam fell asleep to the less than soothing sounds of AC/DC and woke up gasping out Jess's name, fingers scrabbling at the leather seat underneath him. Andrea was crying somewhere and he tried to sit up so he could get her and make her stop, _please just stop_ , but someone else was calling his name, hands on his chest as he fought.

"Sammy! Dude, you gotta relax, you're okay, just calm down!"

It was Dean. Shit. Sam took a few deep breaths and let himself slump back against the seat. Cars raced passed them - the car was parked in a little dirt-covered pull off on the side of the highway.

Sam had been dreaming. He wasn't in the hospital, he was in the Impala.

"Sorry," he managed after a long pause. Dean clapped him on the chest and jerked his thumb towards the back seat.

"Take care of her, okay? In fact, why don't you stay in the backseat with her. You almost broke the shifter with your flailing limbs."

"Right, okay. Um." Sam reached a long arm back and stroked down Andrea's tear-soaked cheek without needing to look. She grabbed right on and latched onto his finger, calmed down immediately.

"What's up, man? I don't remember you ever dreaming that hard in your life."

Dean was still touching him, hand shifted from Sam's chest to his wrist, curled around it reassuringly. Sam felt his pulse slow down under such familiar fingers.

"Nightmare. It was... Jess. Andrea's mother." Sam realized there were tears on his face and wiped them away on his shoulder. "She'd gotten a c-section because the baby's heart beat weakened as soon as Jess went into labor. I don't know why, I was panicking too hard to listen to anything the doctors were saying. But while they were cleaning Andrea up after and I was getting the paperwork started... there was a bleed they didn't catch, or something. And Jess ripped her stitches somehow, that's what they think."

Dean squeezed his wrist as Sam's voice broke on his next words.

"She was gone before they could do anything to stop it. I... I was the first in there, I was the closest and I saw her grabbing at her belly, trying to stop the bleeding... I did everything I could think of, put pressure on the wound until the doctors arrived, but... I was too late, I didn't save her."

A sob ripped from his throat. Sam brought both hands to his face and felt like he might shake apart from how much it still hurt. Four months later and he still hadn't let himself grieve for her. There had been too much going on for him to do that.

"Sam, I'm sorry. I didn't--" Before Dean could say anything more, Sam grabbed onto him, clung like he knew Dean would never let him, expected to get pushed away any second. But Dean held onto him just as tight, let Sam sob into his shoulder. He felt like a stupid little kid, but he couldn't stop.

They didn't move for an hour. The shoulder of Dean's shirt was a mess of tears and snot. Sam had never been a pretty crier.

"We should find a place to stop for the day." It wasn't really a suggestion, but Sam shook his head.

"No. We need to get to Jericho and figure out what Dad was after. We might find something that'll point us in the right direction."

Dean looked skeptical, but after glancing back at Andrea sleeping peacefully in her car seat, he nodded.

"Okay. But we're stopping at the next diner I find. You need some comfort food in you stat, Sammy."

Sam had been protesting the nickname since they'd gotten back on the road together, the few times Dean had used it, but right now it was something familiar for Sam to hold onto.

His brother always did know how to make him feel better.

  
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Jericho was nothing special. A squat little town in the middle of nowhere California that was too hot for Sam to function properly. He wanted to sleep for the rest of the day, but Andrea was wide awake and demanding attention and Dean wanted to explore, see what they could find.

Which, honestly, wasn't much.

They found a casual diner for lunch. Sam and Dean grabbed a booth automatically, then Sam realized he needed somewhere for Andrea to sit. She was bright and energetic at the moment, her thick brown hair a mess from being in a car seat for so long. Sam tried to smooth it down until Dean rolled his eyes at him.

"She's not gonna care that her hair is a wreck. She's not as sensitive as you are, Samantha."

Sam huffed. "Shut up, Dean."

"Great comeback." Dean reached over and let Andrea grab onto his finger, a small grin spreading over his face. "She's so much cuter than you. Aren't you, sweetheart? Yeah, you are."

Andrea let out a happy gurgle, fingers wrapped tight around Dean's index finger as she waved it around.

The waitress finally came by with a high chair and menus and grinned down at them. "What an adorable little family."

Dean gave her his biggest smile, teeth flashing white as Sam set Andrea in the chair and buckled her in. He kissed her forehead before sitting back and flipping through the menu.

"Can I get the bacon cheeseburger, extra onions, fries, and a root beer?" That was Dean, of course, and Sam was very glad they weren't going to be stuck in the car together for the next few hours.

"Chicken Caesar salad for me, and some sweet tea."

Sam thought, for a moment, that it'd be just like old times, except he and Dean usually shared one side of the booth, with their backs to the doors, and it was always, without fail, the booth in the very back of the diner. John Winchester hated diners where the hosts seated you.

John Winchester always seated himself.

That almost made Sam laugh, until he realized that Dean had taken up Dad's usual position and even when he seemed to be completely focused on something else - like the waitress's ass as she walked away - his eyes would scan the door, the other patrons, fall on Sam and Andrea; it was one careful, fluid sweep that took Sam a few moments to notice.

Dean had turned into their Dad. That made Sam's amusement burn away quickly. At least, until a familiar scent reached his nose at the same time it reached Dean's, and he grinned.

"Little Miss Andrea needs a change," Sam said. Dean shrugged.

"She's your daughter. Be my guest."

"You said you'd do it, remember?"

It had been a few hours outside of town. A foul stench had filled the car and Sam demanded that Dean pull over. Dean, of course, had been pissy about it.

 _I used to change your diapers while the car was still moving,_ he'd said, pacing outside while Sam tossed dirty wipes into the grass off the side of the road.

 _Except you were already in the backseat and, oh yeah, that's extremely dangerous._

 _You're still slow as an old broad with arthritis. Just wait, next mess she makes, I'll show you how it's done. How a real man changes a diaper. Fast, efficient, and way better than you._

The scowl on Dean's face proved he remembered as well. He got up, scooped Andrea from the high chair and took off towards the bathroom. He came back out less than a minute later and set Andrea down with damp handprints staining her shirt. Sam raised his eyebrows.

"Gotta wash your hands after handling a dirty diaper."

"You got some on you, didn't you."

Dean sighed, mouth twisting. "Yeah."

Sam laughed, whole body shaking with it. He was surprised, when he'd calmed, to find that he was actually feeling better than he had in a long time. His daughter was the bright point of every day. But Dean was something else entirely and despite their rocky past, all the bad shit they'd been through, he made Sam feel like he was actually living.

Their food came, they ate, Andrea fussed when she wasn't getting enough attention - Dean fixed that by telling her a story, something about a princess that Dean saved from a dreaded goblin.

"And the princess was so grateful," Dean said, mouth full of burger, onion hanging between his lips, greasy fingers playing with Andrea's socked foot, "that she brought me back to her castle and let me--"

"Dean, you can't tell her about--"

"--ride her horses with her. Jeez, Sam, you have a dirty mind. Calm down." Dean swallowed his food and grinned at Sam.

Sam huffed, rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop the smile from spreading over his own face as he ducked his head and finished his salad.

He had to admit, it was good being with his brother again.

  
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Checking into the motel provided just the kind of clues Dean had been hoping for and Sam didn't think they would find for weeks.

When Dean came to the car and told Sam that Dad had never checked out of his room - apparently he'd been using the same last name as Dean - Sam was more than a little shocked. But he picked Andrea up form her car seat and followed him into the room.

The stench of bad food hung heavy in the air and the walls were papered with information about the hunt. Sam's eyes caught on a printed page of lore - something about a Woman in White. Next to that was an article about a woman who had committed suicide after the death of her children. Surrounding the two were missing persons reports going back years and years.

Dad had figured out what was killing these men. Sam _really_ hoped they wouldn't have to take care of the spirit. He didn't exactly have a babysitter on call and he wouldn't let Dean out on his own, despite what Dean said about being skilled at solo hunting.

"Sam, look at this."

Sam took his eyes off of his father's research and turned to find Dean examining a circle of salt on the floor. There were other forms of protection scattered around the room, more than they'd ever used just for staying a few nights. John had been paranoid about something.

Then he noticed something sticking out from under a pillow. He held Andrea closer to his chest, frowning as he grabbed it.

"Dad's journal," Dean said, snatching it from his hand. A slip of paper felt out and Dean grabbed that too.

 _Took care of it. Don't look for me. Take care of your brother._

Sam rolled his eyes as Dean read it out loud. Sounded just like their father.

"So he finished the hunt, but left all his shit behind? That's not freaky at all, Dad, thanks." Dean crumpled up the paper and shoved it in his pocket. "We'll search the rest of the room, see if there's anything important..." He shrugged. "Then figure out what to do next."

The journal was the only thing worth keeping that Dad had left behind. They found their own room after that, but at another motel, under a different name. Just to be on the safe side.

They spent the night entertaining Andrea with the few toys Sam had grabbed from his apartment before running off with Dean, and once she went to bed, pouring over Dad's journal for any clues as to where he'd disappeared to.

Sam had a couple voicemails from Becky, asking him why he'd asked her to pack his apartment and cancel his lease for him. Asking where he'd went. He wasn't ready to talk to her yet, but he'd do it eventually.

He went to bed before Dean did, curled away from the light Dean had on. When he fell asleep, he dreamed about Jess.

He dreamed about her dying. It was worse than the actual event, because she was looking at Sam while she convulsed and his hands kept slipping in her blood, there was blood everywhere, and Jess's voice, dark and haunting, echoing off the walls.

"Why didn't you save me, Sam? It's your fault. You should have saved me."

Her mouth didn't even move when she spoke, but he heard it all the same. He begged her to come back, but she was gone, and Andrea was crying for her mom, she was crying--

Sam sat up with a gasp. Andrea was crying. He stumbled from bed, barely noticing the light was still on, and took Andrea from her crib, letting her bury her wet face in his chest as she wailed. He shushed her gently, his heart beating way too fast, probably holding her a little too tightly.

It felt like he was still covered in Jess's blood. He didn't want to drop their daughter.

He pressed a kiss to the top of Andrea's head, tried to hold back his own sobs. He missed Jess so much.

"Sammy."

Dean was standing next to him, one hand on Andrea's back, rubbing up and down, and the other on Sam's shoulder, just resting there. Sam swallowed, couldn't look at him. He was too afraid Dean would see the guilt in his eyes, would know everything.

"Why don't you go back to bed? I'll take care of her. You need the sleep."

Sam shook his head. He couldn't let her go. He couldn't lose her too.

"You won't lose her. Just... just let me have her. You can sit right there and watch. I'm just gonna change her and put her back down, okay?"

"Oh," Sam said, not acknowledging the fact that he couldn't keep his thoughts inside his own head. "Okay."

He reluctantly let Dean have Andrea. His eyes caught on the clock.

"She's hungry. I always feed her at this time of night. We have a schedule."

Dean gave him a small smile, ruffled his hair with the hand that wasn't holding Andrea, and managed to make her a bottle without setting her down. She'd stopped crying by now and was just watching Sam over Dean's shoulder with wide, wet eyes.

He changed her diaper after she'd finished eating, patted her back until she burped, then gave her to Sam so he could kiss her before she was laid back down to sleep.

"You're good with her," Sam said.

Dean smirked. "I'm a babe magnet, dude, you gotta know this by now."

Sam laughed, helpless against it, and Dean's smirk turned into a smile. He laughed a little too, then nudged Sam's knee with his bare foot.

"Go back to sleep, okay?"

Even though Sam was sure he wouldn't get back to sleep after that nightmare - which was becoming far too frequent for his liking - he dropped right off, the soothing sounds of his family breathing near him making it impossible for his fear to stick around.

He didn't dream again that night.

  
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It didn't take long for Sam to fall back in love with his brother.

His feelings for Dean had cropped up out of nowhere sometime around 1999. Sam was 16, his brother had just turned 21, and they were both enjoying the new privileges their ages brought them.

Well, they were legally enjoying them. Sam had known how to drive since his feet could reach the pedals (which, honestly, had only been last year, and Dean had enjoyed picking on him thoroughly) and Dean had been using his fake ID to get into bars for at least five years at that point.

But now Sam had a real permit, Dean had a real license with his real birthday and name on it, and they had a good summer. Dean would buy Sam booze, get him drunk, and they'd sprawl over the hood of the Impala and watch the stars.

There were so many times that Sam wanted to reach out and touch his brother. Kiss him. Anything. He didn't understand at first - or maybe he was just really deep in denial - but when he walked in on Dean fucking some girl mindlessly in their shitty little house, he was so angry that it couldn't be anything but jealousy.

That, and the fact that Sam jerked off for weeks thinking about Dean fucking him like that, made it pretty obvious Sam felt something beyond familial for his brother.

By the time he got his acceptance letter to Stanford - complete with his full scholarship - he was stupidly in love with his brother and repressing those feelings as hard as he could. They didn't have anything to do with why he left, but wanting to bone his brother didn't make Sam want to stay, either.

Sam thought, when he met Jess, that he was over it. That it was just a crush. But being back on the road with his brother made it obvious these feelings had never gone away. They had just been hiding.

Watching the way Dean acted with Andrea was probably a large part of why Sam felt it so forcefully. It wasn't all lust, like it had felt when he was a kid. Now, he saw Dean playing with Andrea, cuddling her and  
even changing her diaper without complaint, and there was this constant warmth in his chest.

Dean was still a jerk, still did everything he could to get a rise out of Sam, and sometimes, it worked. But he couldn't help but be amused by the stupid shit Dean did. More often then not, Sam ended up laughing at Dean. It was even better when Andrea started laughing at him too. She may not have understood, exactly, what was going on, but she knew they were happy and she picked right up on that.

Whenever Andrea giggled, it'd set Dean off too. And Dean had a beautiful laugh.

He still had nightmares, but his dreams were no longer about Jess dying, though his guilt over that hadn't gone away. He was never going to tell Dean the reason for his guilt, of course, but it wasn't like Dean had any clue Sam took the blame for Jess's death.

Now he had dreams about losing Dean. Or keeping him, of settling down, like some cheesy family sitcom where they were always happy, where bad things never happened, and Andrea grew up with two dads and never found out they were actually brothers.

Sam felt ridiculous, most of the time, after waking up from a dream like that, but they were way more welcome than his nightmares about Dean dying alone.

He had the nightmares more often. He was too obvious about them, he knew that, always holding Andrea more than he needed to, or constantly reaching out to touch Dean like he couldn't believe his brother was actually there.

Dean would give him strange looks that quickly turned sympathetic when he saw the bags under Sam eyes, or the haunted expression lurking just out of sight.

Sam was a wreck and they were no closer to finding Dad. They found tips for hunts, but they were never easy jobs, and Dean would contact Dad's old hunting buddies, like Bobby or Caleb or Pastor Jim, and they'd find someone else to take care of them.

He never told Dean how grateful he was that Dean actually listened to him when he said _no, you can't take that hunt, it's too dangerous_ instead of going off and risking his life to play hero.

He tried once, but Dean just said, "If I die, who's gonna be here to take care of you and the kid, huh? No one. There are guys who are capable and willing, so we'll give them the jobs. Later, I dunno, I'll get everyone together and buy 'em a round to thank them."

That was probably never going to happen, but it made Dean feel better to think it was.

Then came a job that neither of them were prepared for.

  
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Dean took the call, but had it on speaker because he was driving. As soon as the guy said _your dad said you could help me_ , Dean turned the car around.

They'd only been on the road together for a couple of months, but Dean was already getting desperate to find Dad. Sam didn't want to even think that he might be dead, but it was on both their minds anyway.

If this guy, Jerry, knew anything about their father, then Dean was going to do whatever he could to get some information.

Turned out it was just Dad's voicemail that told him about Dean being able to help, but since they were already there, Dean offered his assistance.

As far as Sam knew - and he didn't know much, because he was stuck either in Jerry's office or the motel room, on the computer while keeping an eye on Andrea - it was going well. Dean found traces of sulfur on the remains on the plane, got a statement from a witness who mentioned black eyes and super strength, and Sam found the answer in their dad's journal.

"A demon, really?" Dean sighed as he flipped through the pages Sam had read earlier. "This is gonna be just great. I've never even dealt with a demon before, Sam."

Sam shrugged slightly. "Everything we've hunted, Dean, we had to encounter for the first time. And maybe Dad isn't here now to walk us through it, but we've got his notes. He has an exorcism written down. All you have to do is read it to the person who's possessed and they'll go back to Hell or whatever."

He bounced Andrea on his knee, listening to her giggles. This felt incredibly surreal.

"Okay, well, how do we find the damn thing then?"

Sam bit his lip. "You're not gonna like this much, but, uh."

"Sam..."

"How do you feel about planes?"

  
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They didn't know Jerry well, but he was a father himself and they were helping him out, so Sam felt okay with leaving Andrea in his care. After laying down salt lines in the man's office, they headed into the terminal with a carry-on bag holding a tic-tac container full of salt, a three-ounce container of holy water, Dad's journal and a rosary.

Sam didn't tell Dean, but he'd taken precautions in case they didn't come back from this. He wasn't risking his daughter; he didn't even want to do this. But if Dean was terrified of planes - and Sam was pretty damn sure, with the way Dean's hands were trembling as he handled his boarding pass, that his brother was scared out of his mind - then Dean couldn't be the only one doing this.

Dean had argued with him for a good hour about who was going to do the job, but it had to happen tonight, Dean couldn't do it alone, and Dean sure as hell wasn't going to leave Sam alone to do the job himself.

"I can't protect you on the ground," Dean had said.

"Neither of us can take care of Andrea if we're dead. Someone needs to be down here just in case--"

"Just in case what? We're not gonna die, okay? And our chances of survival fucking quadruple when we're working together."

"Not when you're crippled by your fear of flying, Dean!"

"I don't have a goddamn fear of flying. I'm going with you, and that's fucking _final_."

Sam had forgotten all about it, but Dean hummed Metallica when he was nervous, like he could retreat into his brain where everything was fine and nothing else mattered.

He almost laughed at his own stupid joke, but they were taking off and Dean grabbed his hand in a death grip that had Sam convinced a couple fingers were fractured.

Not that he didn't enjoy it.

"Christo," Dean said. Sam blinked and looked over at him.

"What's wrong now?"

They were in the air, the plane straight and on course. Dean looked at him.

"That's what you say to find a demon. The name of Christ will cause them pain."

"Right, okay." Sam rolled his shoulders, saw the flight attendants heading down the aisles. A blonde came toward them. Her nametag said Amanda.

She the was reason the demon wanted to take down this plane; she was the sole survivor of the other crash. Sam gave her an easy smile and took the water she offered to him, gave Dean a stern look when he started to ask for a whiskey.

"No, Dean."

His brother pouted, but Sam just shoved the water into his hand and looked around the plane. The other attendants were still out, but Amanda was heading towards the back of the plane, to the kitchen.

Sam saw the co-pilot follow her moments later. As the man walked past, Sam caught a whiff of a foul smell.

Sulfur.

He blurted a quick _christo_ and watched the man flinch and look at Sam with pure black eyes, his lip pulled up in a soundless snarl. Sam's eyes went wide, his heart pounding in his chest, but the demon just continued on.

"Let's go," Sam snapped. He dragged Dean after him, holding the journal with the exorcism, pockets full of salt and holy water.

Dean shoved the rosary into the cup of water and started muttering at it. Sam had no idea where he learned the incantation to turn water holy, but he'd ask later.

When they shoved past the curtain, the demon had Amanda shoved up against the wall, hand at her throat. Sam made sure the curtain was shut tight and turned around in time to see Dean throw the full cup of homemade holy water at the demon.

It did nothing. The rosary bounced off his chest and the demon laughed at them, eyes flashing black again.

"Winchesters. I've been hearing a lot about the two of you. I'm glad to know it's all just lies."

Sam froze, hand resting over the bottle of holy water in his pocket. The demon still had Amanda pinned. She looked terrified.

"We don't know much about you, but I can already tell you're an asshole," Dean said, scowling at his failed holy water.

They both started forward at the same time, in sync despite the fact that it'd been years since they worked together in any capacity. They slammed into the demon and Amanda shoved herself into a tight corner, shaking and crying.

Dean was flung back by the demon, slamming into the wall, but Sam managed to fumble out the bottle of holy water and squirt it at the bastard before he could get completely free.

The demon flinched back, smoke rising from his skin with a sick sounding hiss. Sam grabbed the journal from the floor and started to read the exorcism as fast as he could.

That wasn't enough to keep the demon from stumbling to its feet and knocking the journal from his hands. The next thing Sam knew, he was pinned by his neck, breath being squeezed out of him by unnaturally strong hands.

"Dean," he managed to gasp out. Maybe his perception was just screwed up, but he could swear that the plane was tilting.

"Oh, Sam Sam Sam," the demon said, over the sounds of the screams coming from the rest of the plane. Dean was struggling to get up, fumbling for the journal.

Sam couldn't breathe.

"Not only did you get your girlfriend killed, but you're all kinds of fucked up." The evil thing laughed right against his ear. He knew Dean could hear him though. The look on Dean's face spoke volumes.

"You knew it was coming. You could have saved her. You're all over that now, though. You've moved onto something else." Another laugh, a puff of sulfur so close Sam wanted to gag, but he couldn't. His vision was going spotty.

"Never thought I'd get to meet someone who deserved to be in Hell. Lusting after your own brother? That's just _sick_."

Sam hoped that Dean was too focused on reading the exorcism - he could hear him, loud in the background, shouting out Latin - to hear what the demon was saying.

"If only your father had stayed alive long enough to find this out. He'd be so disappointed in you, Sammy boy."

A second later, Sam was on the floor, gasping for breath while the black smoke-like substance that was the demon screamed out of the co-pilot. He too collapsed, right next to Sam.

Dean dropped the journal and slid to his knees. The plane righted itself, became steady, and Sam heard cheers and cries of relief.

His brother's hands were on him, running gently over the sore spots on Sam's neck that were sure to be livid bruises tomorrow. The goosebumps that broke out over Sam's skin had to be a side effect of the adrenaline.

"You okay?" Dean asked. Sam nodded. He didn't want to stand yet. He wasn't sure if he could.

Dean gave him a quick smile then moved to check on the co-pilot. Sam looked over Amanda, who was staring at him with horror in her eyes.

"Bet you never wanna get on a plane again," he said.

She nodded, then burst into tears.

  
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Because of the apparent mechanical issues and the co-pilot's sudden collapse, the plane ended up turning around to head back to the airport. Sam and Dean were back in their seats before the co-pilot even woke up, which Sam felt bad about. But another fight attendant had gone back to check on Amanda, so he didn't worry too much.

He was incredibly relieved to be back on the ground, probably even more than Dean.

They didn't speak as they hurried back through the terminal, Sam's long legs carrying him quickly through the crowds. Dean disappeared for a moment, when they were passing the gift shops, but the next time Sam turned around, Dean was right behind him like he never left.

"What'd you get?" Sam asked, gesturing at the bag in his hand. His brain was repressing what the demon said as hard as it possibly could. But Dean was looking at him strangely and Sam didn't know what to say.

"You know demons lie, right?"

"Yeah, that's what Dad's journal said. They can see your weak spots, they'll use them against you."

Dean nodded, dragging him back along towards Jerry's office by his sleeve, like he was a little kid. "Exactly. But sometimes... when they know it'll really fuck with you? They tell the truth."

Sam frowned and tugged his arm away. "Dad's not dead, Dean. And the rest of that shit... I don't feel... that way. About either of those things, you and Jess, okay? It was lying. Demons are liars."

"I know Dad's not dead. We'd know. But that's not what I was talking about either." Dean stopped him with a hand on his chest. "I... you know that I... I don't think what happened with Jess was your fault. You loved her. You did everything you could to save her. Let it go."

Dean had looked, for a moment, like he wanted to say something else entirely. But now wasn't the time for that, even if Sam did want to talk about those dreams he had about Jess, the ones that had come true.

"Okay, yeah. The demon was lying the whole time, I get it," he said.

The corner of Dean's mouth quirked. "Yeah, sure, Sammy." He jerked his head. "Let's go get your girl, huh?"

Andrea was crying when they finally got back to Jerry, who was trying to calm her down. He looked incredibly relieved when he saw the two of them.

"She hasn't stopped since you left. I tried everything I could, but she just--"

"She missed us," Dean said. He opened the plastic bag and pulled out a fuzzy pale blue bunny with a dark brown bow around its neck and took Andrea from Jerry, handing it to her.

Andrea latched into it immediately and started to calm down, burying her wet face in its soft tummy.

"You're such a sap," Sam said, voice soft. Dean grinned and handed her over.

Sam nuzzled into her dark hair, tension running out of him, silently promising her that he'd never put himself in that kind of danger again, not on purpose. He couldn't leave her alone.

Dean's hand rested on his back, light enough that Sam barely felt the pressure, just the warmth of it.

"Wanna head out? Bet the little one needs to sleep," Dean said.

"Yeah, you look pretty tired," Sam said, and laughed at the indignant look on Dean's face.

Jerry was so profusely thankful for their help that he ended up paying them. Sam was uncomfortable with that, but Dean didn't complain.

They'd had more than one fight over the last couple months about the credit card scams and hustling Dean did. Sam tried to offer his own money, but Dean kept telling him _you don't know when you might need it again, Sam, save it._

"It's not like we don't deserve it, Sam. Especially after you got choked and I had to go through all that emotional trauma."

Sam rolled his eyes, but he relaxed and slid into the car. Andrea was already passed out in her car seat, her stubby little fingers holding on tight to her new bunny.

He got them a room at the first motel they came too that had its vacancy sign lit up. Dean drove up and parked in front of the room, brought Andrea up as Sam unlocked the door and went in.

There was nothing out of the ordinary about it at first - it was tacky, some kind of circus theme, with red and white striped wallpaper and a table lamp in the shape of a lion, some stupid paintings on the wall depicting tightrope walkers and trapeze artists.

Then he saw the crib and froze in the doorway.

"We're not staying here," he said, backing away slowly. "Dean, we need to leave."

Dean shoved past him, pressing Andrea into Sam's arms and pulling his gun out in the same movement. "What's wrong? Did you see something?"

Sam raised a shaky hand towards the crib. Dean aimed, then paused and burst into laughter.

"It's a fuckin' mobile, Sam."

"It's not a mobile, it's a horrifying thing that's going to kill my daughter in her sleep if we stay here."

The mobile was made out of crude paper clowns, with big smiles and their hands reaching down towards the crib, like they wanted to grab whatever poor innocent child was sleeping in it.

He thought his brother would argue more, but Dean just sighed and tucked his gun away. "Get in the car. I'll go check us out."

The next motel they found had a western theme, with tumbleweeds and horses on the walls and a much safer looking mobile hanging over the crib. Cowboy hat and wagon wheels. Sam relaxed and sat on the edge of one of the beds.

Andrea was awake, babbling to herself as she waved her arms around. Sam kept her in his lap, smiling and talking back at her. Nothing silly, no baby talk, but he felt his cheeks heat when he caught Dean's gaze.

His brother sat beside him, knee knocking into Sam's, fond smile on his face. Sam looked over at him, feeling Andrea grab onto his hand, but his attention was focused on Dean for the moment.

The way Dean was looking at him made Sam's entire body heat up. His breath caught in his chest when Dean's hand slid into the back of his hair and down over his shoulder, wrapping around his back in a way that made what he was about to do pretty obvious.

Sam was still surprised when Dean's lips pressed against his, soft and wet. He was frozen for a moment, long enough that Dean started to pull away. He couldn't keep his arm from slipping around Dean's waist, digging into his side as he tried to press closer. Dean's tongue swiped over his lips and Sam let him in, tasting the cinnamon gum Dean had been chewing in the car earlier.

Andrea tried to tip herself right off of Sam's thigh and he broke the kiss to grab her. She huffed angrily at him and Sam realized she was trying to grab her new bunny from the floor.

He laughed and grabbed it for her. "I... I should get her ready for bed."

Dean smiled up at him, his lips gone a messy red that Sam wanted to taste.

"Go ahead. I'm gonna grab a shower."

As soon as Dean disappeared in the bathroom, Sam busied himself taking care of Andrea. Because as long as he was focused on that, he wouldn't freak out.

Well, okay, that wasn't exactly true. Sam had to take a moment to breathe, sitting down on the floor with Andrea asleep in his lap. He rested his elbows on his thighs and buried his face in his hands.

He could deal with this. Dean apparently had feelings for him, felt the same as Sam did, and that was a good thing. At least, he thought it was. They were brothers, but if Dean didn't care, then Sam didn't either. It could be that easy.

Dean came out of the bathroom then, dressed just in a t-shirt and boxers. Sam stood slowly and set Andrea in her crib. Dean looked like he wanted to invite Sam into bed with him, but one glance at Andrea stopped that from happening.

As tempting as it was, Sam sure as hell wasn't doing anything with his daughter in the room. He wasn't sure he was up for it tonight anyway.

"Hey, Dean?" Sam asked, once they were both in their own beds and the lights were out.

He could see Dean shift in the pale light filtering in from outside. Sam licked his lips, imagined he could still taste Dean.

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"What was that for? The kiss."

"What do you think?"

"Uh," Sam said, clearing his throat. "I don't... really know. That's why I asked."

Dean groaned, rolled onto his back. "Look, man. You're really bad at lying to me. Not to mention how panicked you looked when the demon was saying all that shit about Jess and your... _feelings_ for me." Sam could hear him take a breath, like he was trying to fortify himself. "You denied Dad's death pretty easy. But the rest of it... you were struggling. Figured I'd go for it, y'know?"

Sam opened his mouth and shut it again. If Dean went for the kiss, that meant he'd probably be asking Sam about Jess later. But that's not what he wanted to focus on right now.

"So... you feel the same, then? You... you want me too?"

"God, Sam, enough with the fucking chick flick moments." He watched Dean sit up in bed and shifted up on his elbows, looking over at him.

"Yeah, I want you too," Dean said. He got out of bed, came over and dropped a soft kiss to Sam's mouth, smiled briefly before pulling away. "Now go the fuck to sleep."

Sam rolled into his side, facing Dean as he got back into bed, and fell asleep smiling.

  
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The first thing Sam saw when he woke up was a dark figure, a man, standing over Andrea's crib. He sat up with a shot, could see Dean doing the same thing out of the corner of his eye. He knew without looking away from the figure that Dean was aiming his gun at him.

"Turn around slowly," Dean snapped. "Hands up."

The man obeyed. Sam saw his smile first, then finally recognized him.

"Dad?" he said, eyes gone wide with shock.

Dean barely wavered. "Christo," he said. John didn't flinch, but his expression went proud.

"Not a demon, son. You can drop the gun."

Sam looked at Dean, saw him hesitate briefly before he set the gun down on the nightstand.

John raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Is that all the greeting I'm going to get?"

There was part of Sam that wanted to lash out, tell John that after the goodbye he got the last time they saw each other, he shouldn't expect anything from Sam. But Sam remembered thinking his father might be dead, even for the briefest second last night.

He stood slowly, biting his lip, saw his dad's face go briefly hopeful before he shut it away. Sam smiled and walked up to him, hugged him tight.

There was relief flooding through him, warring with the anger that had been brewing in him since he left home. But Sam pushed it down and held onto John for a couple more seconds, then let him go so Dean could get the same treatment.

Sam couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten a hug from his father, but it felt good. Not as good as last night had, though.

Dean's eyes met his over John's shoulder. He knew they were both thinking the same thing. Two kisses and now their dad had shown up out of nowhere?

That was more than a little scary. Sam didn't want to panic where John could see him, so he switched his focus to Andrea instead. She was awake and sitting up in the crib, gumming at the bunny's ear.

She was going to start teething soon.

John came up to stand beside him and Sam looked over. "Do you wanna hold her? She probably needs to be changed and fed, but I'm sure you can handle that."

He was definitely curious to see how John acted with her. Dean said something about going to get coffee and left them alone.

"I can handle that," John finally said. He scooped Andrea up and laid her on the bed, changing her diaper just as efficiently as he loaded a gun.

Sam gave him a box of Rice Krispies and a banana. They lacked a high chair, but John sat at the table with Andrea in his lap, poured out some cereal and mashed up some of the banana for her to eat. She'd only recently been able to move onto more solid foods and she hated a lot of the jars of baby food, so Sam did his best with what they could get.

It'd be easier if they had a kitchen. But he did his research, found alternatives, so he could make sure his daughter was getting all her nutrients.

John handled her well, made sure she ate every last bite, kept making her giggle, fingers tickling her chubby sides.

It was really, really weird to see his dad act like that. Sam knew he was frowning, but he couldn't keep the expression off his face.

"So this is what it's like when you're a good father?" Sam asked. He didn't even know he wanted to say that until it was already out in the open. John froze.

"Sam..."

"No." Sam took a breath, ran a hand through his hair. "No, you can't just... kick me out of our family because I want to go to school, then show up out of the blue after me and Dean searched for you for over _two months_ , and expect me to just be okay with that. We almost died last night, trying to take care of a hunt because you pimped out Dean's number."

"I know," John said, bouncing Andrea on his thigh. He wouldn't look at Sam, kept his eyes focused on the top of the little girl's head instead. "I know, Sam, and I wanted to do it myself but I didn't even make it into the state until this morning."

That took some of the fight out of Sam but he pressed on, regardless.

"I know you were okay with risking your life while me and Dean waited at home for you, but I'm not going to put my own kid through that. I know I can protect her and still let her live a normal life."

John's eyes narrowed and he stood up, settling Andrea on one of the beds. "You think I didn't want that for you boys? I tried, but it wasn't going to keep you safe. We had to move, we had to stay on the down low, because I couldn't risk having the thing that killed your mother come back for you!"

"You know what? That's complete bullshit. You haven't found the damn thing, it's never come after us, never shown itself to us. Why can't you just give up?"

The next thing Sam knew, he was shoved up against the wall, John's hand fisted in his collar, breath knocked out of him.

"Because the thing that killed your mouth is still after our family and I'm not resting until I take it down. I'm not letting it hurt my family anymore."

Before Sam could ask, Dean was unlocking the door and shoving his way inside. John stepped back easily and took a coffee from Dean's hand, sniffing gingerly, while Sam sat down next to Andrea and started talking to her quietly. She was upset and confused, he could see that much, and he didn't want her to start crying in front of Dean. He'd ask too many questions.

John and Dean kept busy together for the day. It seemed like Dean wasn't feeling any sort of negative feelings toward John. They looked over the car together and from what Sam could see, John approved of how Dean was taking care of it.

When it was time for lunch, John took over with Andrea again, practically _cooing_ at her while she ate some kind of mashed chicken and peas meal that Sam could never get her to try.

He scowled as he ate the tuna sandwich Dean had gotten for him. Dean just looked faintly bemused for the rest of the afternoon.

Sam was ready for bed by 11, a couple hours after his dad put Andrea to bed - he'd even given her a bath without a fuss.

Despite Sam's argument earlier, he didn't feel like such a great father by the end of the night. He put down salt lines with Dean, then a few extra precautions at John's instruction. He felt like the man was constantly testing them.

Dean gave his bed up to John silently, just dragged an extra pillow over to Sam's and climbed under the covers while Sam cleaned the room up a little, taking care of Andrea's toys and clothes to make sure nothing was left behind when they left. Which would hopefully be tomorrow. He wasn't sure he could stand to be around John any longer than that.

Sam looked at Dean in his bed, something he'd wanted every night for the last two months, and couldn't even find joy in it. He'd managed to forget about the kiss most of the day, his anger towards their dad keeping his brain pretty occupied, but now he couldn't get it mind off it.

John was ruining everything. Sam just prayed that he didn't end up cuddling with Dean in the middle of the night.

Dean didn't look like he was worried, though, just smirked at Sam as he laid down, scooting over to make more room for him.

"Sasquatch," he said, elbowing Sam as he took up more than half the bed. Sam wasn't in the mood tonight to joke around, so he just curled up on his side - facing Dean, because he could see Andrea from this position and didn't have to watch his father moving around.

After a few minutes of silence, Dean reached out under the covers and rest his hand on Sam's side, thumb rubbing gently. "Relax," he whispered, barely loud enough for Sam to hear. John walked past them without looking, closed himself in the bathroom. The sink started up a moment later.

"It's just... weird. Why is he here now? There was no sign of him, Dean, nothing, and now he's just _here_?"

Dean shrugged. "He told me he was already on his way for the hunt, but when he called Jerry and heard we took care of it, he wanted to check on us. He was worried."

"Yeah, that's why he ignored us for the last couple months. I'm glad he's okay, but..."

"But after last night, you just wanted to be alone with me. I know how you think, Sammy. Dirty boy." Dean dropped a quick kiss on his mouth, then turned away from him a moment before John came out.

It was surprising how much a little kiss could make Sam relax. But he felt asleep just minutes later.

  
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Sam was getting really sick of waking up and immediately going into panic mode. He'd turned over in his sleep, was facing the outside of the room now, and all he could see was a dark shadow of a man with a gun in his hand, sitting on the other bed.

When his brain came online, he recognized his father.

"What are you doing?" he hissed out. John didn't jump, didn't even twitch, just glanced over at Sam before his eyes snapped right back to Andrea.

"Protecting your daughter."

"From what?" Sam sat up, being careful so Dean wouldn't wake up. "Is this what you were avoiding earlier? Because it sounded like you thought something was after us."

John clenched his jaw. "Something is."

"Then why don't you tell me so I can protect my daughter too."

Sam got out of bed and went to sit next to John, who still hadn't taken his eyes off Andrea. Sam looked over at the door, then back to his dad.

"There's a demon. But it's nothing like what you boys went after yesterday. This one is... powerful. Higher up on the demon food chain, I guess you could say."

John paused and took a breath. "I don't really know... how he chooses what families he goes after, but he came after us. He killed your mother the night you turned six months old."

"Andrea's six months..." Sam looked over at the clock. It was two in the morning. "She's six months as of two hours ago."

"Exactly." John scrubbed a hand over his face with the hand not holding the gun. Sam noticed that it looked old, sort of dinged up, a pentagram cut into the butt of it.

"That's why you're here. To make sure the demon doesn't come after us."

John nodded, going back to his vigilant watch over Andrea. She slept peacefully, her head pillowed on the bunny Dean had given her yesterday. Sam hoped they'd have that thing for years, that she wouldn't ever want to give it up. He'd been like that with a stuffed duck until he'd lost it. He was sure his dad had taken it from his bag and left it behind somewhere to make Sam tougher.

"I don't know what it wants from you yet."

"From me? What do you mean? Why would it want _me_?"

"Because it was your nursery she died in, Sam. That's where the fire started. That's this demon's M.O. Sneaks into the nursery, lures the mother there, and..." John's voice went shaky and faltered. Sam didn't let him continue.

"Has anything happened to these other kids since?"

His father was avoiding his eyes now, not just watching over Andrea. Sam frowned.

"Dad, what happened to them? What's going to happen to me?"

"Nothing's going to happen to you. But some of these other kids... they've gone off the reservation. I think the demon's getting to them somehow, screwing with them." He looked at Sam sharply. "Have you felt anything strange lately? Anything wrong?"

Other than wanting his brother? No, not at all. Sam opened his mouth to say no, when he saw movement from the other bed.

"Don't lie to him, Sam." Dean's voice was low, husky from sleep, but still stern. His brother came to sit on the bed next to him, clicking on the table lamp on his way.

He had no idea how Dean knew he was going to lie, but Sam figured he wasn't doing any of them favors by hiding the truth.

"I saw Jess die," Sam said. The confession was barely out and he was already getting tenser, his stomach knotting up with anxiety. "I dreamt it for weeks before it happened. I thought... I thought it was just nerves. She was due any day, of course I was scared."

His skin prickled with the feel of their intense stares on him. He kept his eyes on Andrea, though.

"But then, the day Andrea was born, it all happened the same way. Andrea heart beat was weakening, so they had to cut Jess open. It went well, they had Andrea under observation and Jess was out from the drugs. I was... I was looking at the adoption paperwork, because... that's what we'd decided."

Sam's throat closed up on him, tears blurring his eyes. It still hurt so much. Dean's hand came to rest on the back of his neck and Sam continued.

"I saw something in her room out of the corner of my eye. She was moving, she was... she was grabbing at her stomach. I thought she was freaking out because she didn't remember the c-section, but when I rushed in there she was bleeding. God, there was _so much blood _. Her stitches had opened right back up and... and I was screaming for help, trying to stop the bleeding, and she was looking at me, she was so scared and I couldn't do anything--"__

 _He broke off then, holding back a sob. He couldn't save her. He'd had the dream night after night, and he still didn't help her._

 _"And then I'd wake up, and I'd hug her and pretend nothing was wrong, and when it happened for real I still couldn't stop it from happening. I was too busy trying to pretend I wasn't feeling déjà vu as soon as we got to the hospital."_

 _His breathing was shaky when he stopped speaking. Dean and John stayed silent while he got himself back under control._

 _"So, uh. Maybe I'm a little off. It hasn't really happened since, but... it might."_

 _Dean's hand stroked down his back, barely there, but Sam still felt comforted._

 _"It wasn't your fault, Sammy."_

 _To his surprise, it was John who said that. Sam looked over at him._

 _"It was, though. I knew it was going happen, I _saw it happen_ , and I still didn't stop it!"_

"Yeah, well, blaming yourself is like blaming the hospital for not sewing her up right. You couldn't have stopped it."

Sam frowned. "What are you saying?"

John looked at him, the lines on his face seeming even darker in the low light. "She was killed, kiddo. The demon killed her."

"How do you know that? There was no one else in the room with her. There were a couple nurses in and out but--"

"And one of them was probably possessed. I heard about it when it happened, Sam. I looked in the area for any signs of demonic activity and they were all there, plain as day." John's mouth twisted. "Besides, slicing open a women's stomach is kind of this thing's M.O."

He felt Dean stiffen beside him. "Mom?"

"Yeah." John laid the gun over his lap, letting it go for the first time since they started the conversation. "Yeah, Dean."

"Shit," Dean said. Sam leaned into him, just the slightest bit.

"What should we do?" Sam asked John, eyes falling back to Andrea.

"Lay low. Keep going like you boys have been. You move around, it can't find you as easy. And if you have to settle, then do it somewhere safe, near another hunter. Learn every protection against demons you can and utilize them." John looked at them both. "You two need to stick together. You're stronger that way."

Sam already knew that and he was sure Dean did too. But he nodded along with his brother anyway.

John nodded too. "Now go back to sleep. Six month olds aren't easy to deal with."

Dean nudged Sam hard. "I know that much from dealing with you. Even when you were a baby, you were a bitch."

Sam's pulled a face at him and Dean laughed quietly. "Yeah, you always made that face, too."

John snorted, but otherwise ignored them as they climbed back into bed together. Sam meant to keep an eye on his father, but his eyes wouldn't stay open.

He woke up early. John was gone. He felt Dean snug and warm against his back; Andrea was sleeping deeply with her fingers curled tight around her bunny.

Sam smiled. He knew at that moment that he'd do anything to keep his family safe.


End file.
